Chapter Six

 One thing I hadn't been prepared for after I escaped was the rage that had filled me.  I had learned pretty quickly in my short and miserable "marriage" that fighting back didn't help; it only made it worse.  So I had pushed everything way down and just existed, in order to survive.  So when I finally got away, all the anger and pain and fear that I had pretended didn't exist came flooding back.  Instead of letting it consume me, I focused that rage on getting out alive.  it made me more determined than ever to get out, and tell my story to the world.  

The farm I was working at paid decently and the food was good, but I had been on the run for several months now and was in my second trimester.   I had a new problem; I was starting to show.   I wore baggy clothes and blamed my extra weight on the good cooking but I couldn't cover it up for much longer.  I liked this place, and my boss and his wife were nice.  They didn't ask too many questions and it felt safe there, but they thought I was a teenage boy.  If people found out I was a girl, let alone a pregnant one, it wouldn't matter how cool my boss was, there'd be nowhere to hide.  

 I had made it pretty far north by this time, and there was a whole lot of wilderness at the edge of town, and as it was National Forest, it wasn't private property, and I didn't have to worry about trespassing.   I had studied the maps after work for months now, and knew roughly where I had to go, where rivers and lakes were, and where to go to stay away from people.   

It was fall, which meant that I'd be in trouble if winter came early, but it also meant less people camping, and that meant less questions.    While I had worked, I had stockpiled on survival supplies, and I now had a tent, a sleeping bag, a few cooking supplies, including a large hunting knife.  I hoped I would only have to use it for hunting and not to defend myself.  I also had a small hatchet,  a multi tool, a small camp stove and a small solar powered lantern so I didn't have to worry about batteries.   I wondered how effective it would be, deep in the forest.  I guess I'd find out.  I'd found a good pair of hiking boots, which were waterproof, and I'd already broken them in, and at least my feet would stay dry and warm.  I had a cheap plastic poncho as well, but hopefully I'd be in a shelter for the really bad weather.  

According to the map, there was a lake I'd have to cross to get into Canada.   I was hoping I could steal a canoe, or some kind of boat.  It would probably be too cold to swim.   I would just have to hope for fog and darkness to get across.  I couldn't risk using an engine, even if I did find a boat with one, that would be a dead give away.  

I felt torn, because I didn't want to leave my Mom and brother behind, but if I was caught then I wouldn't be able to help anyone, least of all myself or the child growing inside me.  Maybe if I could get across the border, I could tell  the world what was happening, and maybe I could get help rescuing them.   

It was terrifying and impossible and stupid, but so was staying.  The thought of failing was almost suffocating, but doing nothing meant that I would be caught, and that - that wasn't something I wanted to think about.  I would have to leave, and I had to leave soon.